I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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