Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
don't judge my taste in strippers
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.