wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies