you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?