it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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