3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
my poor anus