Umm I'm too high to move.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
