I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
