I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?