i think i have two assholes
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
