I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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