I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
