Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
