I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
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We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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