Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
