After last night, I could never be a politician.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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