It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
