I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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