i'm lost and i look like a hooker
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
