i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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