my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
