Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
