Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
