So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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