Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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