Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
