i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
