Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
