Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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