sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
