Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
