After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
