Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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