There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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