I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
