he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
