Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
