Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Randomize
