ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
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