Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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