I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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