Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
