Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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