You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
