yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize