And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
That accounts for only three of the penises
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
