Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
