96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Randomize
