guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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