kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
