I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
