Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
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