we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
