when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
My dick has a subreddit
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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