I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
