Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
