okay pat passed out under dana's car
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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