im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
