She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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