I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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