Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
