Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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