He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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