i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
