I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
