I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
