i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
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and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
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Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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