Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
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Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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