My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
